Good vs Evil redux

During my weekly conversation with my mom, we talked about good vs evil. I wondered how people could be cruel and mean to animals and other people when I feel guilty killing a cockroach. Mind you I do kill them, but it really takes me screwing up my courage to do that. C can attest to the travails we had in killing a roach that flew into our 11th floor apartment in Hawaii. I believe she ended up doing the dirty deed. Although, I was the one that seemed to kill the centipedes and dispose of them into the toilet with the the centipede tongs that we kept under the bathroom sink. I digress but the point is that a regular pair of kitchen tongs could no longer be used because they were defiled with the centipede's death.
How is it that some of us can kill, maim or hurt a living being without compulsion and often remorse. Then I thought of myself, I am not a vegetarian. I eat living being that have died almost daily. Mind you, I don't find a big steak very appetizing but I did enjoy my smoked salmon yesterday for lunch and plan to have chicken potstickers this afternoon. So what does this mean. Somehow when we are able to distance ourselves from the death of an animal it is more palatable. Perhaps people who are able to harm others sometimes with obvious sadistic delight have a distance inside them. I heard once that people with leprosy are maimed not because the disease but rather because they lack feeling and are constantly trying to feel so they bump themselves sometime unaware but often on purpose. Just trying to feel something they do serious harm to themselves. Is there a connection? I wonder.
Why is it that I seem to be pretty sensitive--perhaps my empathy levels are higher than others. If I had to actually kill an animal, I would most definitely be a vegetarian. When I was twelve and botched cutting up a chicken and ended up breaking bones and tearing muscles, I was unable to each chicken on the bone for almost 20 years. But I would and do kill if I feel that I need to. That is the bottom line, but I do feel that a piece of my soul is pierced when I do.
So how can I reconcile abortion and the death penalty with all this? We are a complicated species are we? I believe in the quality of life over the quantity of life. I believe that a mother is the best gauge of whether she can care for a child or not. I have never been faced with the dilemma but I do know that for most of my life I have barely been able to care for myself, much less a child and I worry about my genetic legacy--all it takes is a look at my questionable family tree to understand.
With the death penalty I believe that there are people who cannot abide by our social compact to do no intentional harm. Some switch has been turned off so that they cannot feel or empathize. I believe that it is more humane to let them get on with what comes after this life than it is to cage them up like a rabid dog. I would hope if I did something egregious enough to warrant life in prison that I would not be made to live my life in a cage feeding on the negative energy that prisons emit. But here is the problem? Are we as fallible as we are able to decide who dies or doesn't? I am torn. But this much I am certain. When Ted Bundy was put to death in Florida, I remember seeing images of people dancing and singing that he was killed at the hands of the state. Although I had no problem with him being put to death, I was sickened that people were rejoicing in this. A life, a precious life had to be destroyed, there is no joy in this and people that feel happiness are reveling in the evil 20% of our split natures.
Conclusion: I have decided to thank any animal for its life to nourish me and not eat my food mindlessly. That is the least that I can do.