Reference Questions I hate

1) Children's science project questions. OK, not too bad if they are just looking for a science project but when they are looking for the supporting books--and they must be books--I just want to run out of the library screaming. Here are the questions that I got this past week in this category:
"I need a book on how tap water, distilled water and bottle water effects the growth of plants." My comment...in my head "Uhmm, I don't think anyone has written a book on that...EVER!" My response..."Well, why don't we find you a book on water...maybe that will help you."
"I need a book on the burning points of different kinds of woods." Internal--"Do we have a future pyromaniac on our hands or what?" Response..."Hmmm, let's go look in the wood working section and see if we can get some descriptions of different kinds of wood."
"I need a book on the nutritional value of gummy worms" Internal--"You have got to be joking, you look on the back on the package." External--"It sounds like a book on sugar or junk food might help you out with this project, why don't I find a couple of those for you?"

Yeah, I know they are kids and they don't know that there is a difference. However, every single one of these kids were accompanied by an adult and they are just as likely to ask very similar if actually not the same question.

2) Do you have the xth edition of x textbook? Internal: You do not want to buy the textbook because it costs $150 and you won't be able to sell it back at the end of the semester because the next edition is going to be out. The library doesn't have a lot of funds to buy 15 copies for you and your classmates for the same reason X 15 X 150 for the number of classes that we get asked about. External: You might want to check with your college library to see if they have a copy in the library--textbooks are expensive, change editions frequently, and our funds are limited, so it is difficult for us to collect them. But I will check my catalog just in case someone donated the edition that you need."

3)A string of reference questions that makes me feel that I have just had information vomited on me. They come one after the other. I barely have time to finish an answer before the next question comes. Totally different topics, totally random associations. I just wait for the onslaught to stop. I am left feeling like I need a shower.

4) The teacher says that I need a book, periodical, and an encyclopedia article on x with X inevitably being and obscure subject that even Wikipedia has only compiled two sentences on. Internal: "What was this teacher thinking...I know she has this nifty little book that is probably out of print and has all the information that she wants them to find but has failed to inform the library or anyone else of the title. I could just strangle her." External.."Hmmm...it looks like I can't really find much on this subject except for a few sentences in Wikipedia...what I can do is fill out this card for you to give to your teacher letting her know that you (and your 30 classmates) have come to the library looking for the information but we can't locate anything more than what I have for you here."

Tomorrow, questions that I love to get...