Going After What I Want

The title presumes that I know what I want.  Sometimes, what I think I want isn't what I actually want.  For example, what I think I want is a big bowl of ice-cream.  Of course, I want a big bowl of ice-cream--who wouldn't, right?  But if I just get myself to drink a glass of water, I don't need that bowl of ice-cream.  Why?  Because I was actually thirsty.  So what I thought I wanted and what I really needed are not the same.  Of course, we all know this and play this sort of game: if I can just have that designer purse then my life will be perfect--perfectly in the debt, that is.  Let's say that I get the designer purse, as we all know, my life is the same--just more in debt.  Which is the saying that my life isn't the same, it's actually worse--because now I need to pay for said purse. What I actually want was a change in my life but what I needed was probably not the purse.

The challenge is to root around for what is actually needed.  We are so accustomed to working on satisfying our first impulses that we have to drill down so deep it's almost like excavating a secret hidden Egyptian tomb.

I'm going to take a minute and look at what Maslow told us about the hierarchy of needs.  I have co-opted this handy little photo from the internet. [Properly cited, of course.]  Meeting our needs should drive what we want.  The problem happens when we are not clear about what needs we are seeking to meet.

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Maslow's_Hierarchy_of_Needs.svg

What happens when our basic needs are not being met?  Looking at this list, I think I should be working on Esteem and Self-actualization.  But clearly, based on recent posts, I may be working on these part of the time, but I keep getting dragged down to the lower levels.  Why?  What is missing in these levels?

Could it be as basic as food?  Maybe.   Although I am eating enough--more than enough--food like products, I'm not eating actually eating a lot of food.  Could it be as simple as changing my diet?  Probably not. This is one thing--one thing--that I need.  But, I have to dig a little deeper than that.  Theoretically the physiological is being satisfied--I'm hungry, I eat.  I don't have to worry about where my next meal is coming from.  The question is why am I making poor food choices?  I am coming to realize that when some of the higher level needs are not being met, it is masked by a lower level need.  For example, thirst is actually a higher level need--we can live longer without food than water--but when we need water, this need is masked by a lower level need--in this case hunger.  

What is not being met in my life?  I think that probably right now Safety is my primary concern.  Not security of body, health or property.  But rather that of employment.  When I go to work, I don't feel safe.  I am constantly worried that the other shoe is going to drop.  I don't think I am going to lose my job--it could happen but it isn't likely.  But I am not safe and secure in knowing that I am valued, that my self-esteem will not be knocked off the block.  We humans are a complicated lot.  I would say that you have to have phycological safety as well and the more immediate physical safety. 

What I really want is to have this psychological sense of safety at work.  Today, I have a meeting with my new supervisor and it is my goal to be able to communicate this need to him.