In a Quandry

As I approach my 48th year, I am thinking about the future.  It is hard for someone like me to stay put.  And it is hard for someone like me to be satisfied with the status quo.  In a recent strengths finder assessment, I was labeled--Achiever.  Which means that I am always searching for the brass ring.  Always looking for what is next.  So, here is what I have got.  Try to go or try to stay--which is to say that both are an effort.
Why stay?  Well, simply put--right now is pretty good.  I am happy in my position, I love the community and the community is always giving positive feedback. So why mess up a good thing?  It's in my nature to challenge, to see the new, the different, the next thing, so on one level, I feel in a rut.  Why go? I don't know that I have anything more in my future here, and if it is offered, I am not sure that I want it.
I hate these mid-life quandaries.  If I stay, I have 16 1/2 years to having full medical coverage.  I might actually get to retire at something closer to 65 than never. Right now, I am 33% to that goal.  When I realized this, I felt like I was selling my soul for civil service security.  And to add to that I know that with my banked sick and vacation time, I have a pretty security time blanket to deal with any emergencies--family or personal that might come my way.  This is important for worse case scenario girl.  Really, really important.
But then I see things like--Director of Library Services in Cape Cod, State Librarian in Hawaii, etc.  Oh, to run my own show, to be challenged every day and energized by that challenge.  Oh, to shake up my world and get myself out of any ruts I might be in.  Stars in my eyes.  Sparkles and fireworks going off in my imagination.
Which way to go?  What to do?  If I log in to Facebook and play Bejeweled, then I can numb myself and pass the next 16 1/2 years. But really, I don't want to be numb.  Yep, that is right, I am an adrenaline junkie and I have Gypsy leanings.  I have met others in my tribe and many of them are in Hawaii--so I long to go back to my island home.  I was thinking yesterday, that Hawaii is the one place that has felt like home to me.  It was the first place that I chose to be and didn't just let serendipity move me there.  I baptized my stay the first night, when I cried wondering what in the world I had done, no job, no friends, limited fund--what had I done?  But then I stopped myself, bucked myself up and told myself it was going to be ok.  Within a week, I had a job, a car, a place to live, and an entire set of new life long friends.
Over the years, I found myself and I was given a new lease on life--literally.  The tenth anniversary of that horrible yet miraculous night is coming up.

So I can say that Hawaii is truly a magical place.   Maybe the magic is still there?  If I don't try, I won't know.