On Being Thoughtful

I have been considering my own management style quite a bit recently.  I have also thought about what I have appreciated in others that have managed me.  For the most part, I have had very competent supervisors that I have been able to respect and in whose opinions I value.  With several supervisors I have been able to have conversations with them about the employees working under me.  These were not conversations about a problem that needed to be solved right then and there.  They were conversations about what strengths and weaknesses an employee has and how we can leverage those qualities to get the best performance.  It was also a conversation about good employees and how to provide them with enough growth opportunities. And when needed there was enough previous context, to speak productively about how manage difficult employees.
I haven't had this kind of conversation in a long time and I have missed it.  But it is only through reflections that I have come to realize that it has been missing.  When you have something for a long time, and something different comes along, you know it is different but it isn't always easy to tell exactly how it is different.
I have a lot of decisions to make in the near future.  Where to go, what to do.  How to get where I want to go.  Where is that I want to go? For a while now, I have been letting the status quo pile up around my ears.  I have been casting about, knowing that I have little interest in pursuing more responsible positions where I am.  If I remain for the next 6027 or so days (16 1/2 years) then work would simply have to become only a 40 hour a week proposition and fulfillment would have to come from some other sector in my life.  This is a challenge for me, because by nature, I have embraced my careers as a teacher and now as a librarian.  I wanted to be a great teacher and a fantastic librarian.  I truly want to be a very good manager.  I know that I have a lot of growth in this area--realistically who doesn't.   I have tried to make a difference where I can make a difference when I can make a difference.  I know that my community appreciates this and I think some of my supervisees do as well.
One thing I am willing to do.  I am willing to turn the mirror inward and I am willing to correct my behavior.  But I also realize now that in order to do that effectively I need to feel safe.  It is has been a long long time since I have felt safe.
Since safety is the second rung on Maslow's hierarchy of needs, I need to work on establishing a safe environment.  I think it will be a long time before, the environment is safe here, so I need to use some of those positive qualities that I possess: an ability to stretch, a willingness to adapt and change, a strong positive sense of adventure, a willingness to take risks, monitor course and change tack as needed.  I have done it before, I can do it again.  This life is an adventure and when I think about adventure, I want to remember impromptu hike down into the Grand Canyon.  This was the adventure of a lifetime.  I did that! That was me that casually decided to go on a 12 mile in the Grand Canyon!